WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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