Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
