I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
