She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
