if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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