absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize