I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
