I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
