So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
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