There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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