i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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