I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
