I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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