i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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