i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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