Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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