Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize