I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
