Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize