Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
how drunk are you?
Several
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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