Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
