I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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