guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize