Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
