dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
