so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
