and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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