Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
