Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
