they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
