I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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