ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
