So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
that may or may not have been my penis.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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