and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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