I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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