Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
