My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
