I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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