Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
