hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I will be naked everywhere
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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