So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
