4 words: hood of his car
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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