Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
