Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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