At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
