the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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