put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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