Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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