Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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