He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
