It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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