haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
