Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
