2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize