we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
