The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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