im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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