I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
