dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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