I'm going to jail i love you
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
