Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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