she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
