the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
