I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize